As American as apple pie
July 14th, 2009
Growing up I never felt like I fit into any one “group” and in the Muslim community, like it or not, there are definitely cliques.
I was talking to my husband the other day and lamenting about how people are so nationalistic. We all say how we’re “brothers and sisters” but at the end of the day it’s about where you’re from.
Maybe some communities are more accepting of others, but there is still that underlying current of who socializes with whom outside of the mosque.
I’ve noticed that if you’re Palestinian you hang out with the Palestinians, if you’re Indian you hang out with the Indians, if you’re Malaysian you hang out with the Malaysians and so on.
Why is that?
I’m sure part of it is comfort and feeling like you’re all on the same page. I also think it has to do with families that immigrated to other countries where they felt at ease in their own cultural circle.
But, what I don’t get, are the new generations that are continuing this legacy. Why not spread out and get to know other people? I’m not here begging for friends 
I just wonder why it is that people don’t realize how they make others feel.
I’ve also noticed another pattern. If you want to be part of those groups, you have to give up your identity and assume theirs. For example, if you’re a new Muslim and want to fit into the Pakistani group, you have to start dressing, talking and acting like them. Even better is if you marry someone of Pakistani descent.
Similarly, if you’re half Arab like myself, you have to give up your “American side” if you truly want to fit in. When people ask you where you’re from, you just say where your father was born and you’re accepted. Forget that you are biologically connected to another person who is not Arab.
It’s such a crazy world we live in isn’t it? We can’t just be ourselves.
Truth be told, I feel more American than anything else and that’s my identity.
What about you? Do you ever feel like that or have you always been part of a certain group?
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I feel the same way, except that I am all “American” (white, non-Muslim parents). I haven’t really tried socializing with the Muslim communities around here and I kind of doubt that I’ll find a place where I fit in.
Aww, now I sound sad.
Not really, just pensive I guess.
i know what u mean mariam! i know some “aunties” who think that shalwar qameez is the only dress for muslim women :p we have so many different religious groups in pakistan. its sad to see muslims fighting with muslims. seriously at times it gets so frustrating and confusing. according to ppl ure evil if u don’t belong to their religious group! i hateeeee it! why can’t we all unite and called as MUSLIMS only??!!! i have seen people not praying behind the imam of different religious group!
aww clare *hugs*.. usually we pakistanis aren’t liked by ppl :p are u willing to have a pakistani friend? hehehhe
Waaaaaw.. i always thought it is just me being sensetive to this topic
it always bothered me that people look at me and treet me differently because of where i’m from, and i’m used to this by now, i just can’t accept it from Muslims… Good topic Mariam you rock 
Yeah it is quite frustrating… Claire don’t worry I’m sure you’ll find some friends who don’t care about that kind of stuff. It’s funny though how we tend to group ourselves. Maybe it’s just a natural instinct? Who knows.
I haven’t really had experience with the Muslim community per se, at least not as a Muslim. But I have lived in a country other than the one of my birth for nearly 18 years now, and have somehow managed to find people to be friends with. Most of my closest friends here speak little or no English at all.
So I think that if one wants to fit into a given community, yeah, it is necessary to learn the language. Really fluently. Once you do that, you can find people who are willing to accept you for who you are. Treat you as an ‘honorary [whatever]‘, but at the same time cut you some slack because you are ‘only honorary’ – allow you to be different from them.
that is sooo true. if you try to talk to “the arabs” or the “pakistanis” or whatever, then they just look at you like you’re crazy or something and continue speaking arabic or urdu even though everybody is completely fluent in english. why not just accept everybody?
PS So, given the situation as people are describing it here, I think if I were in a mosque with a lot of different ethnic communities, and I seriously wanted to fit into all of them, I’d consider learning all the languages in question.
lol Caraboska.. I like your optimism
I don’t know if I have time to learn all the languages.
As Salaamu ‘Alaykum,
I took a class once on the purification of the heart and it really opened my eyes to several blame worthy charaterstics that I have but only subliminally aware of. One of them is kibr (arrogance). It is perfectly alright to want to be around people who look like you, dress like you, sound and even talk like you. I guess that’s comfort zone. But what is bad is when you feel that because you belong to a certain group or are a certain colour or speak a certain language then everyone else is beneath you.
Just today, I was walking in the stores and saw these two muhajibbin, they saw me and deliberately turned away so that they wouldn’t have to give me salaams and/or return mine. It hurt, but I remembered what I was taught and thought that perhaps they really didn’t notice me and that was why they walked right past me.
Unless we continue to talk about it and create workshops at our conferences and masajid on dealing with diversity in our communities, I think it will continue to be a problem.
That being said, I LOVE this deen and thank Allah SWT everyday for making me Muslim!
I’d order Rosetta Stone in the appropriate language, spend some time every day on it (probably even half an hour a day would suffice if need be), add other materials later (online newspapers and BBC broadcasts etc.), get a conversation partner and be speaking fluently in about a year’s time. Less time per day, no doubt, means a longer learning curve, but better 15 minutes a day than 30 minutes every two days. Only one language at a time. More, I agree, is too much unless one really has a lot of time on one’s hands.
Rosetta Stone is at http://www.rosettastone.com, and they have over 30 languages, including Arabic, Farsi, Hindi, and Turkish (full, 3-level versions), as well as Indonesian and Pashto (basic, 1-level versions for the moment, but it is only a matter of time before they do the full versions for those too).
I know how you feel Mariam. My parents are from India, but speak a different language than the majority of indian muslims. I have a hard time ‘fitting’ into the mosques that are usually ‘arab’ or ‘pakistani’, and yes, you usually have to speak their language or wear their outfits to ‘fit in’.
As for learning a new language: we are in North America. English is our language. We should just communicate in English. Language or cultural background should not be a pre requisite for friendships.