I promised on the Friday video message that I would share with you how I met my husband, so here is the story, edited down of course, because I’m sure you’re not interested in every single detail ;)

Behind the Screen

I remember always thinking that I would never get married because it just never seemed to work out for me. My friends were getting married left and right all through college and I was now in graduate school feeling like an old maid.

That might be just part of the pressures around and within the Muslim community. Certain cultural ideals seems to seep in which includes the whole “you-gotta-get married-before-you’re- in-your-mid-20’s-because-no-one-will-want-you-after-that.”

The way my family went about the marriage issue was to let the guy come over and get to meet me in person, if things clicked we might talk on the phone, email, or go out and talk in a public space with friends. Usually these guys were the sons of family friends or people we knew in the community. I had my share of suitors, but things just never materialized. Not to mention the fact that my parents just couldn’t seem to let go of me. They always found some excuse if things ever seemed to start getting serious.

Without getting into all the details (because this post would drag on) I got to a point in my life where I was sick of it all. I didn’t want to get married anymore and I didn’t want to deal with the topic. I felt content with myself and where I was going in my life. I finished graduate school and I was turning 23 that summer and ready for new adventures.

Finding a job in journalism is pretty hard ( especially living in a small town) so I worked in a research lab and did some radio work on the weekends and whenever I was needed to fill in during the week. Things were going smoothly.

It was December and my family was heading to the annual Islamic convention in Chicago. I told my parents they better not try to set me up to meet anyone. My friends and I all took a hotel room together and we were volunteering to help with the daily convention newsletter. Sure it crossed my mind that there must be some nice single guys around, but it wasn’t much more than a fleeting thought. In the past I would have been dying to meet someone, but at this point I was really in another zone.

While in that mindset I’m sitting working on the newsletter when I get a call on my cell phone.

It’s my dad.

“Come to our room, we have some people visiting.”

My dad is confusing sometimes because he doesn’t give specifics like who these people were or why I needed to be there and he’s notorious for inviting random folks over that he just met. “What are you talking about? I’m in the middle of this newsletter”.

“Just come now there is someone I want you to meet, he’ll be here in five minutes.”

I was about to start arguing because I was not up for this, “I’m in the middle of something and I’m with Soumaya, I can’t just leave her behind.”

“That’s perfect Bring Soumaya with you and come upstairs.”

I figured it wasn’t that serious since my dad was telling me to bring a friend along. I was also relieved that I wouldn’t have to meet some strange guy alone. At least I’d have someone with me so we could gossip about it later, especially if he was another weirdo.

Soumaya and I headed up to my parents hotel suite (yeah I know meeting someone in a hotel room sounds creepy but thankfully it was huge with a living room in it).

We walk in and it’s like a party is going on. There are a few couples hanging out in there and some babies. I tried to glance around the room and figure out who the single guy was. Hmmm was that him in the business suit on the couch in the far left corner?

My dad starts telling me to serve the guests some snacks and I go to the mini kitchen area and put some stuff together. I was so confused! While all this mayhem is going on my dad is on his phone calling other people seeing if they want to come over and hang out. I figured I’d never meet this guy the way things were going. Eventually all the couples left except for these really good friends of my parents. I still remember to this day the awkwardness of it all.

My dad is sitting there on one side of the living room with his good friend and my husband to be. All of a sudden he turns to me and says, “Mariam, you want to come here and meet Abdullah.”

AWKWARD

I shyly walk over and for the first time in the marriage process I’m nervous but mostly feeling confident. I used to always freak out and worry about what to say. But this time I really could care less. I thought I’d give it a shot but that’s it. I really didn’t expect anything to come of it. After all I thought I heard a hint of an accent in his voice. If he was a fob (fresh off the boat) I assumed he’d likely not understand me and my American-ness.

I go over and sit down on one of the arm chairs. My dad gets up and leaves, but his friend continues to sit there. My friend meanwhile is sitting behind the couch trying to charge the laptop because we need it to finish the newsletter.  Basically everyone is sitting there and pretending not to be there, but we all know they’re trying to juice it up. AWKWARD!

We start with some small talk (I honestly can’t remember the details of what we said) and suddenly my dad’s friend gets up and just says, “Oh!” and walks away to the other part of the room. It finally hit him why we were sitting there.

After the small talk we really started to get into a lot of things about ourselves and our interests and it started to feel comfortable. It had only been about 30 minutes when suddenly in the middle of it all my dad barges in.

“OK we have to go to a lecture now, Abdullah it was nice meeting you.”

The third AWKWARD moment of the evening. Abdullah was gracious enough to pretend not to be surprised by the abruptness of it all. Abdullah then said he’d be more than happy to come visit us and he gave my dad his phone number. My dad said we’d call him and let him know when he could come visit.

There was something in me that woke up and all of a sudden I really wanted to get to know this guy. I was so surprised from the short amount of time that we spent talking that we had so much in common. Who would have thought? He was raised in Kuwait and I was raised in the States and yet he had better grasp of American lingo than me!

To be continued…

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