This is part 2 of the story on how I met and married my husband. If you missed Part 1 click here.

Behind the Screen

After the initial meeting with my husband to be I didn’t know if I would ever see him again or how things would work out. I really wanted to get to know him more, but again from my experience my parents would probably just drop the ball and leave him hanging.

My dad basically told him, “We’ll call you.” But I had no idea. I thought Abdullah was going to call us, because I heard him telling my dad he’d love to get to know our family more and come visit us. A week went by and I was really anxious. Why wasn’t he calling? Did he not like me? How could he not like me, I’m awesome!

I pestered my mom because it’s always AWKWARD to talk about this kind of stuff with my dad.

“Mama, what happened to that guy.. .what was his name, Abdullah?”

“I’m not sure, you’re dad hasn’t mentioned anything.”

Another week went by and just when I thought he must not have felt any connection my dad’s cell phone rings.

“Halla Abdullah keefak?” (which means hey Abdullah how are you?)

They go back and forth with the greetings and small talk and my heart is pounding. What is he saying? If only I could hear the other end of the conversation (luckily I married the guy so he told me exactly how it went down on the other end of the line).

Abdullah said he was waiting for my dad to call him because my dad said he had to talk to me and my mom and see what the next step would be. Abdullah told me he was waiting for awhile and then called up the mutual friend that set the whole thing up.

“Emad, I’m not sure what to do, I met the girl and would like to get to know her more, but they haven’t called back.”

Emad told Abdullah to just go for it and call my dad and play off the whole wrong number thing.

Abdullah tells my dad, “I just wanted to make sure you have the right number for me.”

My dad continues chatting with Abdullah and I hear him mentioning that we’re having an open house for Eid (Muslim holiday) and that we’d be having lots of people over and he should come.

Once again my dad is involving the entire world with something that should have just been between the two of us. I was really excited to see Abdullah again but nervous in case I did something stupid. I remember my friend Soumaya and I cooking up a storm for the open house. My family relied on me for these events because I would bust out my baking skills and cook stuffed grape leaves by the dozens. Usually I had fun preparing for them because it was a time of festivities and I love to make food that tastes good and puts a smile on everyone’s face.

We cooked and cooked and cooked and then I ran to go get ready. There was a huge snowstorm outside and  I was worried that maybe Abdullah wouldn’t make it. The doorbell started to ring and the guests kept arriving. And then all of a sudden he was there in the doorway. I remember he was dressed in a really nice suit and tie holding a huge vase with a gigantic bunch of flowers in it. My heart was pounding. He came in and I took his coat.

Then came another AWKWARD moment. People wanted to know who he was.

My family lives in a very small town where everyone knows everyone and everything about everyone. Who was this new face? My dad did the honors “Oh this is Abdullah… a friend of the family.”

Some people were satisfied with that. Buy my mom’s friend Nana is the kind of lady that loves to get the scoop.

“Ohhhh Mariam are those flowers for you? Who is he huh? He’s very handsome and tall. Very nice.” And she kept nudging me and whispering but her whispers were so loud I’m sure Abdullah could hear her. After all he was sitting on the other side. I was sitting on a chair in between Nana and him.

I remember tying my best to bring up random topics and act casual chatting with him because no one really knew why he was visiting. And apparently my parents forgot too. After the guests were leaving my dad asked Abdullah if he’d like to stay the night. “It’s snowing really bad outside, just stay here, besides Mariam and her mom and the kids are heading to Chicago tomorrow anyway, you can all go together.”

“No, no that’s OK.” Abdullah was so polite.

If there is one big NO NO when it comes to the marriage process, it’s sleeping over at the prospective person’s house. First of all it’s gross and weird and AWKWARD. It’s happend to me in the past. The whole point is to still keep an air of mystery about you and that can’t happen when you wake up in the morning with drool crusted on your face. Abdullah passed the test. First one to turn down the offer.

The next morning I left for Chicago with my mom two of my brothers and my friend Lejla. My brothers had a fencing tournament and Abdullah told us to call him when we got into town. I called Abdullah once we made it there and he came and met us. My mom stayed for the tournament and Abdullah, Lejla and I went walking down Michigan ave to do some window shopping. It was so snowy and cold. I remember going to the Nike store to buy a pair of workout pants and he insisted on buying them for me. I was so embarrassed but he kept insisting. I couldn’t believe how nice he was. It wasn’t about buying me something, it was about his maturity and take charge attitude. I loved it!

My mom, Lejla and my brothers gave us some space after we had lunch and let us talk for awhile. Time flew too fast and it was time to go back to home. Abdullah told me he would call my dad and ask for permission to talk to me on the phone. I wished him luck because my dad was not one to give in to stuff like that. Abdullah worked his charm with my dad and that night we literally talked on the phone for 6 hours. It was great to get to know him more and find out we had so much in common. He was carefree and loved to do things spontaneously. Religion was a big part of his life, but it wasn’t overkill or fake like others I’d met. He wasn’t there to impress me and pretend to be a saint. Instead he was real. He loved to go out and have fun.

From then on Abdullah would visit every weekend or every other weekend each time bearing gifts from boxes of Godiva Chocolate to perfumes and even a traditional Palestinian dress. Each time he came he would have to rent a car and drive through the snow almost 3 hours to come and see me. One evening while we were talking on the phone Abdullah started to bring up the marriage topic, “So I know things are going smoothly and we all seem to be on the same page. But I want to know from you, how do you feel?”

“Um what do you mean?” I decided to play a little coy.

“Are you interested?” Abdullah asked.

“Interested in what? You didn’t ask me anything.” I was trying to push him to say what I thought he might be trying to say.

“Would you be interested in marrying me?”

“Um, yeah of course, that’s why I’m talking to you.” Sometimes I have to joke around when the situation gets too serious. “But I have to meet your family first, I want to know what I’m getting myself into.”

Abdullah flew his brother and his brother’s wife to Chicago and they all drove down to Urbana to visit us. I wasn’t expecting things to get serious so quick but all of a sudden the next thing I know they’re doing this traditional thing called the “Fatiha” where they read the first chapter in the Quran together and then declare that you’re engaged.

Now that we got that out of the way I had a big dilemma. What was I going to tell my friends or the entire town? I needed to be officially engaged. Don’t ask me why all of a sudden the superficial side of me started to pop up. I needed a ring to seal the deal. But I wasn’t about to say anything. I enlisted my friend Lejla to do the digging for information.

Lejla, Abdullah and I took a trip for the day to Indiana to shop and visit this famous steakhouse an hour or so away from Urbana.  Once we got to the mall, we headed to Forever 21. I pretended to go try on stuff in the dressing room while Lejla was supposed to talk to him about the engagement ring. Nothing materialized. I remember feeling so annoyed because Lejla didn’t get any information.

I was online one evening and Abdullah popped up on MSN messenger and asked me what kind of ring I liked. I showed him some pictures of different styles and then never heard anything again. I told my mom that I would not tell anyone I was seeing Abdullah until I had a ring on my finger. Apparently Abdullah had already talked to her about it and she smiled and said “Don’t worry it’s coming sooner than you think.”

It’s about 3 months into our getting to know each other and Abdullah comes once again to visit me. I had a strong feeling this was the day I was getting the ring. But I wasn’t too sure because I thought the same thing the week before. We were driving  in the car with my younger brother (I had to have a chaperon lol) when Abdullah points toward the compartment in front of me.

“Open the glove compartment Mariam.”

I open it and see a fortune cookie.

“OK…?”

“Just open it.” He had a hint of a smile on his face.

I crack open the cookie and see a little fortune that reads, “Mariam, I like you.”

My 12 year old brother snatches the pieces of the crumbled cookie before I can even contemplate that wow Abdullah did this all himself.

“These taste like Cheezits” Yusuf says.

Thanks for ruining the moment bro!

Later on in the day Abdullah presents me with another fortune cookie, I open it and inside is another message that reads, “Mariam you are so special.”

Abdullah asks my parents for permission to take me to dinner alone that evening and they surprisingly agree. We go from place to place but Abdullah doesn’t like any of them. They’re not quiet or the people are all sitting too close together or it’s just not the right atmosphere. Urbana is a small place and there is nowhere you can really go. We end up at this steakhouse (I swear we’re not obsessed with steakhouses) and order dinner. My stomach is doing somersaults. I think this is the day he’s going to propose! But nothing materializes once again. We’re almost done with dinner and I excuse myself to the bathroom. I call my friend Nadia on the phone.

“I’m freaking out! I think he might propose tonight!”

She helps me calm down and I go back and sit down.

Dinner is cleared off the table and before I can contemplate dessert Abdullah slides another fortune cookie in front of me.

I shyly open it up and read the message. As I’m reading it he slips something out of his pocket.

“Mariam, will you marry me?” The fortune reads.

I look up and he’s holding open a little blue jewelry box with a huge diamond ring in it.

To be continued…

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