This is the final part of the series on how I met, got engaged and eventually married my husband. If you missed part one you can read it here, and if you missed part two you can read it here.

Behind the Screen

After I was presented with the engagement ring I was so excited and happy and giddy! I told my now-fiance that of course I’d marry him and in the back of my head I was wondering when I’d get to call my friends and tell them the good news.

That night I met up with my friend Nadia and Jen (my future sister-in-law) and my brother Imran and told them my story and showed them the ring and we hung out until the wee hours of the morning. When I tell this part of the story to my husband he always asks me why we didn’t call him to come with us. Because instead of hanging out he was stuck in an AWKWARD situation.

Abdullah was forced by my dad to spend the night and not go back to Chicago. But once again Abdullah was *smart* not to stay at our place. He said he’d get a hotel room and of course my dad (who still thinks he’s a bachelor student in the 70’s) insisted that Abdullah stay with a graduate student he knew in town that had an extra mattress.

The next morning I  go have breakfast with my parents and Abdullah at the local health food store. They have a cafe inside and although it’s some funky food, it was nice to just get together with the family. Oh wait. My dad likes to invite the whole world remember? The grad student Abdullah roomed with was also invited to join us for breakfast.

I know I keep repeating this, but it was another AWKWARD moment. No one knew what to say or do. This grad student is trying to chat it up with me at the table in front of Abdullah, not realizing at all what’s going on. He completely ignores Abdullah’s presence. Then Abdullah and I start talking and he tells me how his phone is dying and he forgot to bring his charger. Since we happen to have the same phones, we swap batteries.

The guy looks at Abdullah and looks at me and then a light-bulb goes off. “Oh!” he manages to say. Of course no one ever thought to tell him we were “an item”. Abdullah told me later he did mention to the guy that he was in town and had just gotten engaged, but I guess Abdullah left the part out about who the girl was.

To cut a long story short wedding planning was supposed to begin and I decided instead of having it in the small town where my parents lived, I’d like to have it in North Carolina. My husband has lots of relatives there and I wanted a real authentic wedding (whatever that means). I just knew that if it was in Urbana things would not be the way I wanted them to be. We’d have a million wedding crashers, kids would grind food into my dress, and basically it would be a free-for-all.

My dad decided he would fly in his mother (God rest her soul) from Beirut for the festivities. And if you know how overseas visits are, people come two months before the event.

As wedding planning commenced we tried to figure out a date for the festivities. At first it was going to be in early May. But my parents started to panic a little. All of a sudden they started acting like they weren’t OK with the wedding and that they weren’t sure of Abdullah. My mother was worried because he was from overseas and my dad just didn’t seem to be able to find the time in his schedule to attend our wedding! One afternoon we all sat together, my mom, dad, Abdullah and myself.

Abdullah looked at my parents, “We need to finalize a date.”

“Sure, yeah let’s do that.” My mom was all ears.

We all turn to my dad and he has no expression. “Well I have some things coming up, very important so we’ll have to figure it out.” He says.

I’m not sure what my dad is talking about because we previously agreed on two dates, we just wanted to finalize one so we could book the venue.

“What are you talking about?” I’m shocked and trying to hold it together.

“I have a camping trip. I’m going to Colorado for two weeks.” My dad says it as if we’ve known about it all along.

“Camping trip? We already agreed on the two dates and are just trying to narrow it down to one so we can book the flights and hotel rooms.”

“No, no no no.. I’m going camping. This is not right, you can’t do this.” He’s being stubborn (I wonder where I got it from hehe).

My mom jumps to my defense, “This is your only daughter, you can’t do this. It’s her wedding, you can always postpone your camping trip!”

“No no no no, I have a camping trip that’s been planned and I have to go.”

This battle goes back and forth and I’m getting really upset. First I’m embarrassed at my parents arguing in front of Abdullah and second I’m embarrassed because my dad all of a sudden made a change of plans and third I’m embarrassed because I’m about to bust out crying.

Abdullah takes control of the situation and smooths things out. “That’s OK that’s fine, we’ll just come up with another date.”

He convinces my dad to go for the first weekend in June and my dad agrees. Abdullah repeats the date and says several times that he will begin booking things and finalizing reservations. Wow is this really going as well as it appears?

Little did I know that the next drama was just around the corner. It unfolds when we book the plane tickets. My dad is so upset that we booked them and says we can’t go to North Carolina because he has to go on another flight at a different time. Abdullah again fixes it by telling him that he only put the tickets on hold, and they weren’t finalized. My dad relaxes a bit and seems to start trusting Abdullah. His resistance is starting to dissipate.

Then there is the issue of the Mahr or gift that the groom is supposed to give the bride. Everyone had an opinion on that, especially my grandmother. I had a cousin in Lebanon who had recently gotten married and apparently asked for a huge Mahr that included daily trips to the salon for $100 haircuts and a wedding dress of several thousand dollars, gold jewelry, cash and even a prenuptial that would give her $500,000 if her husband were to divorce her.

My grandmother kept pestering me, “How much money does Abdullah make, do you even know?”

This started eating away at my parents. My dad suddenly announced, “If he doesn’t make enough money to support you or pay for the wedding, he’ll just have to wait until he can afford to get married.” Which really translates to: “He must not be ready to get married so we have to call the whole thing off and gosh darn it, I guess Mariam will just have to keep living at home”.

Even my mom started getting sucked in, “You should ask around and see what people got for their Mahr. My Kuwaiti friend had a Mahr of $20,000 and that was 25 years ago!”

It was so frustrating to me because I really didn’t want anything. Seriously. I knew subconsciously that these were diversion tactics because my parents couldn’t accept the fact that I was all grown up and ready to move on. Looking back now I’m certain that’s what it was. But at the time I was so upset that they were behaving like this. Afterall my parents used to tell me their own story and how my mother only asked to learn Arabic for her Mahr.

Abdullah and I  decided that because it’s required to have a Mahr that I should have something significant that was more of a family tradition. It was a gold Ottoman coin that is passed on through Abdullah’s family and he had it made into a necklace. It is beautiful and unique and I love it because every time I wear it I remember him and our wedding day.

Our wedding ended up being a two day event. The first day we signed the marriage contract and had a picnic outside with close friends and family. I was so nervous I didn’t eat, but man that food looked good! Here I am still thinking of the food… lol.

After we signed the marriage contract and I received my Mahr, we had a henna party that evening. It was a party for me and my friends and the ladies in town.  It was great but I was a little po’d because the lady throwing it invited Abdullah to attend. I didn’t want Abdullah to see me until I was in my wedding dress, but what could I do? The lady was kind enough to throw this party in her house and oh well I guess I didn’t mind teasing him a bit. Afterall he got to see me in a slinky gown, but the next time he’d get to see me would be at the actual wedding reception.

Because Abdullah’s family is Palestinian they have a lot of cultural traditions that they do such as taking a tray of henna and putting fake flowers around it and placing candles in the middle and lighting them. They take the tray and put it on their head and dance around the room. My mother in law was so into it (I guess because Abdullah was the last of 8 to be married). She was dancing the night away until all of a sudden we notice flames shooting up. One of the candles tipped over and the fake flowers began to ignite. I laugh so hard because we have a pic of it and the poor lady had no idea what was going on.

The wedding in North Carolina was an experience and as most brides will probably say, I don’t really remember too much. I just wish I took time to enjoy it more.

We left early the next morning for our honeymoon in Florida and when we got back to Chicago we started a new chapter in our lives as husband and wife.

It’s been four years since then and I still can’t believe how much my life has changed and how much my husband has helped me grow into a stronger and more confident person. He’s truly a diamond in the rough and if I never gave him a chance the first day I met him, I never would have known my best friend.

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  2. How I got engaged
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