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Tags: hijab and girls, hijab and women, hijab education
very intresting subject matter. as far as my daughters having a choice… honestly when they move out (if they ever do as their father likes to put it lol) thats when they can choose if they want to wear it or not. my oldest daughter is 5 and goes to public school in hijab. she wears a scarf, but she does wear short sleeves and when she wars a uniform jumper its way below her knees. we decided to have her wear a scarf when she started kindergarten instead of waiting until puberty so that it would be easier for her and us. when i would take them for sunday school at the masijd i used to see a girl maybe she was around 9, fighting with her mom because she didnt want to wear hijab for the hour and a half of class. i heard her mom say look at so and so, her friends, they were wearing it so she had to do what the other students do. outside of the masjid her mother did not wear hijab i dont know if thats why the girl was so defiant about it but it did make me think…
hana loves to wear scarves because they are pretty. i let her pick out her own and try to make it as enjoyable as possible for her. when she was in pre k she used to ask me if she could wear her scarf. but the point is for me and mine, while she is at home we do everything Allah commands us to do to the best of our ability. she knows thats why she wears her scarf.
before she started school she would cry everytime we left the masjid. she really loved being there playing with other little muslim girls. i think good exposure when they are young also helps too. i dont think you should be that nervous sister
Did you have your baby already?
I would totally leave it up to her. I have a daughter now who is just a baby. Looking back at my experiences and why I started wearing hijab, I really didn’t know why. I guess I just did it because everyone else in my family and friends was doing it. I want my daughter to realize from deep inside her that hijab is imp and whether its at 9 or after puberty, I will leave it up to her.
It’s all about how you raise your kids. If you raise them with a good understanding of Islam and treat them well, then I think they will be able to make decisions like wearing hijab on thier own. Many parents are not aware of what their kids are up to, what they are watching and how they are being influenced. When the kids come closer to their teenage years, thats when they start to rebel.
So basically a good foundation is imp
I think teaching modesty has to start from infancy. So that I would probably put a head covering on my little girl, if I had one, from the beginning. When she got old enough to ask, I would explain about such things as modesty and self-respect and dignity, and that I view her as entitled to the same dignity I would give myself, so that I put it on her out of respect.
Now of course there is the fact that I would be raising my little girl as a Christian, since I myself am. So I would tell her that it is voluntary, it has overtones of being a prayer garment, a garment fit for women who profess to worship the one true God – as there is some tradition of head covering for women in all the monotheistic religions. I would present it as a woman’s right to wear such a head covering that comes down from the head.
I myself ensure insha’Allah that the clothing in question is pretty enough for it not to be clear immediately whether it is religious or ‘just a fashion statement’, and I would do the same for my daughter. Within reason, when she grew old enough to have her own taste in clothing, I would permit her to make her own choices about the exact form her clothing will take.
But yes, there would be standards of modesty, there would be the idea that we are to be leading a life of prayer, and I would expect her to keep all that in mind as she chooses what she will personally wear, how she will personally express these values. I would make every effort to see to it that she adopts these values as her own. And I think that to that end, only good can come of living them from infancy in a natural manner.
I myself regret not being taught godliness from little on up. My parents do not have the requisite convictions to be expected to have taught me this, so I cannot hold it against them. But I would want my daughter to have the benefit of that better start in life which will spare her certain mistakes and experiences which no one ought to have.
Yes I did have my baby
So now I have 2 girls alhumdulilah. It’s a blessing and it’s also an eye opener hehe.
I think personally that you have to instill your values in your children and hope that they will take them and live as good and moral people that contribute to society.
But I also want my daughters to know that they have a choice. I don’t want them to do something because they’re afraid of displeasing me. I want them to understand what they’re doing and choose it because they believe that it is truly the right thing to do.
And I have a hard time believing that a child would know the difference. Sure if they’re in a society where Muslims are the majority it might be easier. But in a society where they are the minority I don’t want them to have to face the taunting and psychological pressure from others at such a young age. I don’t think it’s fair. I faced it when I started hijab at 8 and I can tell you till this day it affects me.
I could ramble on and on but I’ll leave it at this for now
My dd (9) chose to start wearing hijab this year and I was not ready for it. I do think it is probably easier for us here because we live in a very very Muslim area, and it’s not unusual. Not to say there aren’t ever looks or comments, but for the most part people are very positive alhamdulillah.
Even cuter, the baby who is 20 months tries to put on scarves when it’s time to leave. It’s absolutely adorable!
It must be hard, because mainstream culture in the U.S. sends mixed messages about when it is and is not appropriate to cover one’s head. In some cases a head covering shows respect and humility in the presence of God–ie in a church or synagogue (although the traditional head covering has pretty much died out for Christians); in other cases it is exactly the opposite–we REMOVE our hats to show respect and humility at the dinner table, while singing the national anthem, etc. The language of headgear is complex in the West, and I suspect that may be one of the reasons some people are put off by scarves.
We’re weird.
Random thought: I think of the hijab as being sort of like a man’s necktie. Etiquette demands they be worn, and though you may not always feel like wearing it, at least it’s an easy way to add some neat colors and patterns to an ensemble.
Although, I have to admit I don’t understand what’s wrong with hair showing. Why does Allah want it to be covered? I’m so used to seeing people’s hair it’s hard to imagine what’s taboo about it.
Greetings all! I am a hijabi in the US, and think this is a very important post, Miriam!
Frankly, I find it profoundly problematic to start our little girls wearing a headscarf well before puberty. Modesty is important (has anyone else noticed that “little girls” clothes these days are just basically shrunken versions of woman’s clothing?!), and modest yet functional dress for children doesn’t need to include a headscarf. I honestly find it theologically unsound to veil a toddler (a 5 year old? Seriously!?). If the hijab is about averting men’s eyes, veiling a small child is essentially calling her an object men will be inclined to look at. It’s bizarre messaging. Let’s not womanize our children. My daughter will see me wearing hijab, and there will be open conversation about it from the start. If she wants to “dress like mommy” for a day – that’s ok, but not unless I am out with her. We as adults have the ability to understand the looks we get and the harassment that comes our way. Our daughters don’t have that yet. It is one thing to have a small girl wearing a scarf at Islamic school or at the masjid – but sending her to, say, a public school or out alone in hijab isn’t fair or necessary. If she wears it later, I’d want to be with her the first few times, and help her find ways to be comfortable and safe. It would be important to me that she have other hijabi friends and role models — and a constant open door of communication with me about it. I don’t want her to feel guilty if she’s having a hard time wearing it, or ever feel like she will fall out of Allah’s arms if she struggles with it. She may choose not to wear it for a few years (which I did – then came back to it more devoted and understanding about it than ever!) or at all. I need to be by her side in that journey.
Umm, how to say this? In public schools nowadays, kids start having boyfriends and girlfriends in nursery school, the teachers think it’s cute and encourage it. The sexualization is there whether you like it or not. I think that if hijab is to be viewed as a standard, it needs to be used the minute sexualization becomes an issue. And in American society, unfortunately, it’s already there in nursery school.
In a public school setting, they have to teach the kids what good and bad touching is already at that age, because there are just too many kids who are exposed to that kind of thing – even at home – and they have to know how to protect themselves, and they may well not have access to info on how to protect themselves from anywhere except school, especially when they can’t read yet.
But even if you send your kid to a private religious school, you cannot be 100% sure that none of the other kids are watching TV or playing with kids from non-religious families. So that it can even end up being present there too. If you want to keep your kids from being exposed to any kind of sexuality or sexualization before puberty, they must basically stay home at all times and never have access to mass media or the Internet.
Personally, I think it is better to reconcile oneself with the fact that in the United States, an innocent childhood is no longer possible, teach the kids about standards concerning touching, and what to do if someone tries to oblige them to violate those standards, and start them observing adult standards of modesty the minute they are old enough to be outside the house without parental accompaniment for any reason whatsoever – nursery school, a quick trip to the store to buy milk, etc.
* If you want to keep your kids from being exposed to any kind of sexuality or sexualization before puberty, they must basically stay home at all times and never have access to mass media or the Internet, or to any child who is not being brought up in a similarly sheltered environment.
Wow. My daughter loves to wear hijab. Its not haram for her because she is young. To me this makes the proccess easier. I am not trying to be that mom arguing with her daughter to wear hijab for one hour of class in the masjid. I am not going to shun my daughter if she feels not to wear it, all I can do is remind her what is best for her. It is a clear commandment from Allah. No matter where we live Allah has given us a law to live by. No matter what everyone will have their own ways to what they think is best for them and their families. We are muslim, and we are different. Our value system is different, our morals. Even my son who is 6 recognizes the difference. We are just different and no matter when a girl starts to wear hijab if she ever does its never gonna change that. All praise is due to Allah for the affection my daughter has towards hijab.
Let us now turn to the specific verse on hijab in the Qur’an: “And tell the believing women to lower their eyes, and guard their modesty, and that they display not their ornaments except what appears of them. And that they draw their scarves (khumurihinna) over their bosoms…” (An-Nur: 31)
The word used in this context is khumur which has been variously translated as veils or scarves; the latter is more precise for it is the plural of khimar, which has been defined as “a woman’s head covering; a piece of cloth with which a woman covers her head.” (See Ibn Manzur, Lisan al-`Arab.) Imam Raghib al-Isfahani in his famous work, Mufradat alfadh al-Qur’an defines the terms by saying, “The root meaning of the word is to cover, and the khimar, therefore, is the cover or veil, but it has become synonymous with veil with which a woman covers her head (i.e., headscarf); the plural of the word is khumur (as used in the Qur’an: An-Nur: 31).” Because, according to the Arabic usage, covering the head is the most important function of khimar, no scholar in the past that we know of has ever disputed the fact that women are commanded by Allah to cover their heads; they only argued whether the face and hands are also included in the above order. The majority of scholars are of the opinion that they are allowed to uncover their faces and hands.
Furthermore, one of the basic principles of the Qur’anic exegesis is that we must seek to understand the Qur’anic verses as they were originally revealed to, received, understood, and applied by the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), both men and women. We have incontrovertible evidence in the sources to suggest that it is in the above sense, and in the above sense alone, that they related to, and applied the above verse. We read the report of `A’ishah, the beloved wife of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) who said: “By Allah, I never saw more excellent women than those of the Ansar in their zeal to believe and act according to the Revelation. When Allah revealed the verse, “and let them draw their veils over their bosoms”, their men rushed to their homes in order to recite the same to their wives, daughters and sisters and relatives. No sooner they heard the verse, everyone of their women without exception rushed to cut a piece of their long gowns and covered themselves with it, and thus they stood behind the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) with their heads covered as if they had crows sitting on them (because of the color of their head-scarves)!” (See Tafsir works such as those of Ibn Jarir, al-Qurtubi and Ibn Kathir, etc.)
Sheik Ahmad Kutty
I just want to make it clear I’m not criticizing anyone’s choices regarding their children, I’m only speaking for myself and the thoughts that often run through my head. I think it’s great when a young girl loves hijab and feels proud of wanting to wear it. I see my 2 1/2 year old imitating me all the time and wanting to wear it outside.. but that’s where I feel conflicted. Sera how does your daughter cope at school? Are the kids accepting? My personal experiences make me hesitant to ever let her wear it out until she is actually aware of what hijab is because I was constantly made fun of and teased in school (and this was in Saudi Arabia in both an Islamic and secular American school). So I don’t want my girls to go through that. However, at the same time maybe people are more accepting these days because more women are wearing it out in the mainstream and it’s just not a big deal?
Caraboska you make some valid points although they are very disturbing but true.
Ismahan you make good points as well. I think this is one of those issues that goes either way. You can’t really know what’s right and wrong and each parents ultimately has to do what they feel is best.
I think if I had a daughter and she wanted to wear it, I would let her, and simply explain to her what it means and what she can expect, sort of talk about how she can respond to situations she may find herself in if she does go through with it. In today’s climate, I would even consider it a huge blessing if my daughter *wanted* to dress modestly and be covered from a very young age.
In all honesty I dont know WHAT is is, but there has not been a problem for me or her. We live in florida, i guess you could say somewhat suburban but we got everything here. it is a good mix mostly caucasian but we are not out of place as much as we would be in other places. sometimes it seems as though we get ’special treatment’ people really want to make sure that they dont offend us in any way which i think is nice of them. her pre-k teacher asked me to bring somethings in to represent our holiday and was actually upset about how they teach about every holiday during the holiday season except ours. shaheeds kindergarted teacher asked for the same last year too. we wanted to do a presentation but i just brought in coloring sheets i found online and an elementary explanation that was short and sweet for the kids to understand and be able to say that they know what Eid is.
hana started to dress up in the scarves around the same age as your daughter but she never went out in one until she was 4, she might not have even turned four yet, but shaheed was going to the masjid for arabic class so every sunday she was wearing her scarf. this past summer we asked her to start wearing it when we left the house to prepare her for school, she just had no problem with it. my daughter just doesnt like to be physically uncomfortable so if she gets itchy or sweaty she will be unhappy, so she MUST be comfy as well as fashionable, lol.
the only thing hana has ever come home and voiced something about was people asking her why she wears it, or what is it called. she has never come home and told me that people bother her or make fun of her or anything like that. she gets alot of compliments too. Alhumdulillah for all of that but she is in elementary school, i am kind of anticipating it to be worse around the time for middle school if she is still in a public school by that time. And inshaa Allah i believe that if hana is well educated that will give her more confidence pretty much like what carbaboska said.
mariam that is very unfortunate what you went through i am sorry to hear that. that is so hard to belive you would expierence that over there. i thought they MADE people cover in saudi, even if you arent muslim? you know whats funny my husband and i talk about all the time that at least for us and alot of people we know in the u.s, we are all trying to leave, and we notice everyone overseas is all runnin to be here. when i first came to islam i really looked to ‘the foreigners’ for examples and advice and what not. i guess thats typical stereotyping to think that people from palestine or saudi or pakistan or africa or anywhere but here would have better knowledge. some do some dont. i didnt realize that for alot of people growing up muslim is more culture than it is a religious way of life. May Allah guide us.
I wouldn’t force it on my daughter at all. Honestly, if someone had told me I had to wear hijab, I never would have done it. I think it’s something everyone has to discover for themselves. I think it’s something you really want to do because it’s not an easy thing to do. And I’ve seen many girls who were forced to wear it or hadn’t thought it through and then stopped.
I also wouldn’t care if my daughter didn’t wear hijab. I think it’s a facet of faith, not the whole thing. As long as she’s a good person and has had a moral and religious background and foundation, that’s fine with me.