Behind the screen: the guilt that just wont go

Behind the Screen

Do you ever feel like you’re being pulled in a zillion directions but you don’t know which way to go first?

That’s how I’ve been feeling lately.

Each night as I try to lay down and fall asleep my mind is racing. (It doesn’t help to have a phone that allows me to check emails and my social media accounts like facebook and twitter).

I feel that I’m always “on” never taking a rest. I have to check in with everyone and everything at all time. I don’t want to miss a moment. But could this be what’s causing me to feel sleep deprived?

First, I have my family to take care of and there is always something going on. Sometimes the baby is crying because she’s hungry and I have to drop everything and tend to her, then sometimes it’s my toddler asking so sweetly, “Please mama can you play with me?” How can I resist her request? And my husband (who is ever so patient) only asks if there is something I need him to do. Really? I should be taking care of you! He’s been so patient since the day we got married that I feel guilty because I can no way measure up to him.

And I’ve realized that is what I carry with me each night.


I feel guilty that I might not have done enough in my day to please the people around me.

First I feel guilty about my kids and my husband. Did I spend enough time with them? Did I make them happy? Should I have skipped that phone call with my friend so I could give them more attention?

Then there is the guilt I feel about work. Should I have put more effort into that newscast? Did I really voice it with the best authority possible?

And of course there is the guilt about Hijabtrendz. Did I put enough information out there for my readers? Have they enjoyed my posts today or did I let them down?

The guilt will probably always be there because I’m a worry wart. As my husband says “You always seem to find the downside in everything.” I don’t try to be like that on purpose, but there is just something in me that wants everyone else around me to be happy, fed, entertained, and basically taken care of.

I know deep down I need to take time for myself and smell the roses or I’m going to crash and burn. The lack of sleep is creeping up on me and I’m finding that I have a hard time focusing on conversations and tasks. I’m not sure how to make the proper balance, but I’m hoping to do something sooner rather than later.

Have you ever felt like your life is spinning out of control? How do you keep yourself centered?

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This article has 14 comments

  1. Mariam Sobh

    ummu fathima we all feel in that state at some point 🙂 The key is to push ourselves to do something about it. Inshallah I’ll be posting my attempt at getting back in shape soon. I’ve been too lazy lol.

  2. ummu fathima

    Oh dear! i feel this everyday..and im now in the state of ‘free time alone’..everything is getting skincare,weight gain and my moods..feel so helpless.

  3. Mariam Sobh

    Thank you all for your comments and support, it’s really great to know that others feel the same way. And it’s also great to hear from other women on what they do to make things balance.

    Sarah.. thanks for the reminder.. you’re right about preception. I have to turn on my positive attitude more often hehe.

    Safia, I tried that last night I went to the gym and took a nice hot shower for like 30 minutes and felt so much better. That’s a cool idea your aunt does.. I’m def. going to keep it in mind.

    Fatin thank you for the prayer, they are much needed hehe.

    Jaka, I hope you’re enjoying the site 🙂 and thanks for your words of support, time does happen to fly by.

    Suru.. I don’t know about the fame LOL. But it is actually a dream of mine that this website turns into something where I can actually hire people and give more women opportunities to work.

    Vala that’s a great point about the 4 things needing nurting.

    Kelly, you know I’m thinking that maybe Vitamin D is what I need. I’ve noticed that I feel SO MUCh better when the sun actually comes out and I soak it up from the window. If only it wasn’t winter 🙁 and I’m glad you like the stuff I write about hehe.

    Dara, fitness centers would be amazing! Swimming is so relaxing, but I’m so stubborn I want to swim outdoors with the sun beating down on me. But beggars can’t be choosers so I guess I’ll settle for the pool in my building hehe.

    Ma’ruf that’s a nice reminder, I should def. take some time to breathe 😛

    Sera, I def. think you’re right that talking it out helps. Just writing about this and the feedback has made me feel more relaxed.

    I don’t want to make this all about me …I hope all you ladies are doing well too.. 🙂

  4. sera

    i feel like that everyday… it got so bad for me i decided i needed some help, so i go to therapy. i have a hard time balancing things out, and my therapist helps me with that ALOT. i have a hard time with alot of things, and i want to conquer it by myself, but its just not realistic. my psychologist teacher says people that go to therapy are the healthy ones. i am always wanting to please people, and nothing seems to get done fast enough… there are other issues to i have been ‘diagnosed’ with but i first went because i felt like i need to be better to and for my kids. people are always saying things like i dont know how you do it and this and that and i dont deserve any of it. i yell alot and there is so much wanted/needed to be done and i am always all over the place. you sound like you just have a little too much on your plate (there is no way i could do what you do i am SO un organized). and being a wory wart doesnt help either. talking is healthy subhanAllah i was just hearing on some cnn show about ‘talk therapy’ as they called it. inshaa Allah you will feel better from the support of your readers but if it doesnt help talk it out with someone that can give you a different insight. 🙂

  5. ma'ruf

    assalmu alykum….

    Good job Mariam! you are such a wonderful person! i think you need to take a nap after dhuhr prayer or what they called “kailulah”. prophet Mohd s.a.w used to take a nap on that time because he was always praying at the last part of the night and he was always SLEEP deprived man because of worshipping ALLAH s.w.a.
    And try to take some inhale exhale =)right after you pray subh,just try it inshallah because that was the sunnah of prophet moh’d s.a.w! and i’m pretty sure you will all have the energy you need, you will feel relaxed and always on the go… that gulit might just flew away! good luck! jazakallah!

  6. Dara

    Oh yeeeeeeeeeeeees I don’t have enough time in any category to do as good as I would like. I’m a self-employed Muslimah mommy like you so I get it!

    I had to finally break down and buy an Islamic swimsuit so I could start swimming again to help my stress and health. It wasn’t the cost of the suit that scared me, but the fear of wearing it–like the first time I wore hijab outside. But I’ve gotten used to it just as we get used to wearing our scarves.

    Swimming laps is my oxygen! Which is why I’m now embarking on the biggest venture of my life–building fitness centers with gender-specific pools and everything else. Pools and child care are the star attractions of my centers-to-be insha Allah. I want other modesty-conscious women to experience what regular exercise can do for themselves, their family, and their community. It changes lives.

  7. Kelly


    Mariam, what you are feeling is totally normal. I know that doesn’t make you feel better, but just to let you know.

    Actually I just had coffee at my friends house who also runs an online retail store about how we really feel that way too. There just isn’t enough hours in the day to get it all done.

    Most likely what’s causing you to feel sleep deprived is exactly that. Sleep deprivation. Are you getting enough quality sleep? Most likely not with a newborn. There is absolutely nothing wrong with finding some time for a nap.

    Never refuse help! (Easier said than done!). Truely Mariam, your dh totally sounds like a keeper. You’re a very lucky woman!

    As far as “measuring up” men and women were made different for a reason. And we’re there to lean upon one another. While your dh is holding you up right now, at another point in your life together it may likely be the opposite. As long as you can be happy with one another and raise a good family what does it matter? Don’t let your pride get in the way 🙂

    As far as work, just do what you can. I’m sure it’s fine. And as far at hijabtrendz, it’s always interesting! I think you’re doing a great job, I’ve learned quite a bit since I began reading here. (I mean, how would I have heard about BQ?!) lol

    You will not always have guilt because you’re a worry wart. I’m convinced it’s because we’re women. We want nothing but the best for our loved ones, but also maybe we have subconscious guilt because we don’t do enough for ourselves?

    Anyhow other than taking a nap, make sure that you’re eating well and taking vitamins. If feelings like this persist talk to your doctor. I had some similar feelings lately, and I talked to my doctor who diagnosed me with vitamin d deficiency, and since starting supplements I truely feel like a new person. Also remember that having a new baby puts you on the hormone roller coaster. Some of what you are feeling could definitely be driven by that as well. Just remember if it persists, it may be post partum depression. There is nothing wrong with that, but talk to your doctor, or even your child’s pediatrician at a checkup. There is no reason to feel miserable if it can be avoided. 🙂

    Anyhow, I’d like to award you the Good Egg Award! (taa daa!) (ok, I’ve seen too much SPROUT lately lol).

  8. vala

    just remember to take care of yourself and your family first….that is the most important….everything else can wait….by the time your children are a little older you can spend more time towards career ect…but having said that doesnt mean that you stop everything you love just because its not related to wife/mother duties….I look at myself firstly as a muslim then mother then wife and then woman…but all 4 need nurturing…

  9. suru

    things are about to get even crazier as u get more fame and ur hijabtrendz reaches even more audiences u’ll need to hire ppl to read all the fan mail u get 🙂

  10. Jaka Merriman

    Hey, Miriam. I’ve been lurking around here a while now, and I wanted to pop my head in and let you know that not only is this pretty normal, but that you’re not alone. Sarah, Safia, and Fatin have all covered what’s most important to remember: it’s not about perfection, it’s about quality and balance. You’ll pass through this time, learn from it, and move forward. I have no doubts!

  11. Fatin

    I think it is all about balance, it is great to care and take care of your family, but on the other hand you need to take care of your self. I will keep you in my prayers 🙂

  12. safia

    It is not about quantity, it’s about the quality of time. This is what helped me survive my first year balancing mom, wife, daughter, friend, etc lol. I would go into a bubble bath tub, close the door, leave my cell phone behind and just relax, read a book or magazine… at night after my son would sleep and before my husband came home lol (so I can greet him in the best of mood) Or you can do it before you go to bed..

    My aunt also did something that I really liked… Every week she would take one child to her room, sit with them alone for about 30 minutes, and talk to them about anything. She was a surgeon so she was never home, yet their relationship is unbreakable.

    Really its a matter of scheduling things in. You’re an awesome person for caring so much, just think what would happen to your family if you crash? you need to take care of yourself and be realistic!

  13. Sarah Husain

    Yes, I go through the same feeling alot..but with time have learned the only way to keep everyone happy around is to be happy & healthy myself. It is not easy,but you must make it a priority. Remember it’s not about perfection in all things, its doing your best & then taking time to sit back and laugh a little. The world does laugh with you when you are a parent & have a family. Take a breath & try, even when you come to terms with this perspective, it still requires work. Good Luck, & rem your closest no matter how far are infact only a phone call away ( it’s partly in perception…:)

  14. jessyz

    I have that kind of guilt all the time, still haven’t found a way to get rid of it. 🙁

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