Hijabtrendz Guest Post: Trip Down Motherhood Lane
January 10th, 2010
Trip Down Motherhood Lane
By: Safia Haddam
I was talking to a new mom yesterday, which inspired me to write this.
When you become a mom, you are entering an entire different world, like some sort of parallel reality. A reality that you didn’t know existed, and can never explain it to those who’ve never seen it.
As you take your first steps down motherhood lane, the streets get narrower, the lights become dimmer, and you notice the crowd around you staring at you, some whispering to others, and some try to lure you to take their path:
” You don’t know where you’re going, just do as I say and you will be okay!”
“Don’t listen to her, I am the expert. My kids are criminals, but trust me, I will tell you what NOT to do.”
“No No, ignore everyone, it is I that has all the answers. Stop being selfish, and do as I say or you will fail.”
You are confused, lost, and afraid.
Who do you listen to, who do you follow, and why is it getting darker?
You turn to the right and you see your companion, also walking the same path. He might not see these people standing, or hear their voices, but he is right there with you.
As I was lost in that alley, it turned pitch black, and I screamed so loud.
All of a sudden, I heard a voice. “Quick, come this way, this is the way out!”
It was a small group of women, who lit my path. I grabbed my companion’s hands and quickly followed.
Familiar feelings started to awaken: my faith and my confidence. They led the way towards the light, and gave me room to breathe.
I looked at my husband and my child, and smiled. We can do this…
This trip down motherhood lane is shared by many moms. And unless you’ve walked down that lane, you will NOT understand the feeling. I’ve had a stranger that came up to me while I was putting groceries in my car, to tell me that my 4 months old son is crying because he’s hungry. Oh, thanks, I’ve only fed him hmm what, 480 times so far! So thanks, I think I know! Of course, I smiled at her and said, we live 5 minutes away, I will nurse him when I get home.
I strongly believe that God put something in parents that makes us patient, caring, and constantly worrying. He also gave us people to support and guide us. They could be a family member, a friend, even a stranger. Many moms might be bitter because of their experience, and some feel that they’ve been there, done that, and have all the answers. But the truth is, the father and the mother are starting their own new journey. So take the good, and leave the unnecessary. I didn’t say to leave the bad, because good advice, as we know, is subjective.
Safia Haddam, a former math teacher, is a stay at home mom and the proud mother of one.
She runs a baking business from home Sweet Escape.
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I totally agree. Probably the hardest skill any mother needs to learn is to trust herself and believe that she really can do it her way.
[...] for Mothers This post was inspired by this other post from over there. I hate being judged as a mother. Motherhood has also taught me to stop judging [...]
i’m a mother of two and i think i’ll constantly be worried about what kind of kids i’m bringing up into this world until I see with my own eyes what kind of ppl they become. i wish I can fast forward to the future to see if they’ll be ok or if I need to change sth now, but im defn more worried than my husband is. i think it’s a good kind of worry though
Seleena, I know the feeling, but I do try to tell my self, that my job is to give them tools, and guide them. As they get older, we need to step back and let them make their choices and deal with their consequences. There are many religious men, and prophets, who had ‘bad’ kids, so we can only do our best.
After I wrote that article, I realized that once your kids are older, and they turn out ok, then all you want to do is to go out to new mothers and tell them how to do things. I am sure many ‘aunties’ mean well, we just have to have more trust in moms, and in what God has bestowed on them.
I think God forgot to give me patience….lol
astaghfirullah, allah doesn’t forget.
no matter what, don’t ask for patience, you will be given so many opportunities to practice it! usually when you least want to!
I think no matter what we’ll always worry. I read a nice quote long ago about when you decide to become a mother you decide to have your heart live outside your body (or sth like that).
It’s funny because I’m SUCH a worrier and I do worry about how my girls will turn out, but these days I’m so preoccupied with the now that I forget to worry about all the future stuff LOL.
….i have learned the best thing to do is to forget all the future stuff and truely enjoy the moments for wht they are, some good,some not so good. They grow so fast, i just do’nt want to feel i missed out ’cause i was too worried about a tomorrow we do’nt even know we will have!